A Good Day

Moving day is looming closer and closer. My ex is paying the bills on the house until June 30th, at which point I take over. Am I nervous? Oh my yes! Starting July 1st I will be making all the house payments - that is when I will see if this new plan of mine can really work.

Sometimes I think about the worst that could happen - I mean really, let's look at this. The first thing is that I could have to sell a place at a loss. Selling a home right now though is hard - even under value. Many friends have asked me if I will sell my cabin, and the answer is, I will if I have to. My mom has pointed out that I can always get another place later on when things aren't so tight. However, there is a big difference between saying "Okay, I will sell the cabin." ...and then actually doing it. Look at the house that I am moving into - it has been on the market for months and hasn't moved. Putting it on the market doesn't mean it will instantly sell. The other thing I fear is foreclosure - debt that I can't handle - black marks on my credit report - it scares me a lot. I am a practical woman, I don't believe in taking on more than you can handle... and yet, here I am with $2750,000 of mortgage debt and an income that won't cover it.

That's right - over a quarter of a million. The number makes me want to faint away in a Southern woman swoon. The house was $199,000 and the cabin was $75,000 - at the time it all seemed so manageable. Now, I am ecstatic because I earned $100 as an extra in a car commercial. (The windblown blur in the lavender shirt - that's me!)

Don't get me wrong, the $100 is a huge boon to me right now - hey, I am gleeful when one of my books sells for $7, so $100 for a few hours of work walking around a car lot and pretending to be interested in used Kias is a huge windfall for me, but when I compare it to how much I owe... well, it all seems a bit overwhelming.

That's why I can't think of it that way - instead I have to concentrate on each day, each moment. Here's today's victory:

After the shoot I was starving. I hadn't eaten since 10 and we got done about 3:00. I was diving back to work and decided I didn't have a choice but to pull into some fast food joint and grab something to eat on the road. I hate fast food - the service is lousy, the food is terrible, it isn't fast and it isn't cheap, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do. I pulled into McDonald's. I hate McDonald's the most - just in principle, but I admit, I do love a fillet o' fish. I sat there in line, waiting and waiting, and I thought, "What am I doing?" I didn't want to waste my dining out budget on bad food - I would rather spend it having a glass of wine with Shelly tonight.* I knew I had a salad in the refrigerator at work, all I had to do was tough it out for another 30 minutes and I could eat that instead - not only less money, but healthier for me. I pulled out of the drive through line and sped off.

I guess I should be grateful that McDonald's is so slow and their service so poor; if I had gotten right up to the box to order I would have - and spent the money. I was so hungry that it really didn't occur to me to not stop for fast food... not until I was sitting in the barely moving line. Then it hit me - it would be a good 15 minutes or more before I could even think about eating. All that to save time - how foolish is that?

What's more, after I left the line, I thought about stopping somewhere else for a coffee. The day had been long and I was feeling pretty low energy, the caffeine sounded great. Instead I just drove to work, (where the pop is free,) and grabbed a Diet Coke. I wasn't entirely good though, after my salad I splurged on a $.85 Milky Way bar since I was craving chocolate.

I think my defenses are less when I am hungry and tired - and that is something I will have to watch for as I try to curb excess spending.

The good news is I have a $100 check in hand and it looks like some of my eBay stuff is moving today.







*Tonight Shelly and I are meeting up at the theatre so I can get a course in house Managing. Yay!!